remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
