This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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