It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
