haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
