And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
