i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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