Kiss
Puke
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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