dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
