Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
