I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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