she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
