Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
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Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
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I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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