we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
