I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
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