dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
