my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
