Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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