I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
