I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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