Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
