i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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