Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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