i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
