just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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