So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
my poor anus
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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