is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think your dad took our porno
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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