Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
