his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she peed on how many people?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
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His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
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I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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