guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
