i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
