too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
