How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
