is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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