my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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