Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
