I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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