I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The beer is more important than you right now.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
