Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
