whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
