There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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