good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
