this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
