The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
