Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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