I wish I only lived at night.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
