I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
