If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize