i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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