I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
