i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
