I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Randomize
