my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
