I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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