Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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