I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
3 2 1 whiskey
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
