I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
