Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
