Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Just fell off a train. Bad.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Randomize
