Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
