Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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