i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
