There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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