Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
