I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
