I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Randomize
