I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
