When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize