I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
