It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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