I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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