let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
