I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
