all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
