WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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