How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
