how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
