forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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