Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
We got so high we made milksteak
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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