That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
