Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
