She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
this hospital has no fireball
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
