is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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