my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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