Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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